In the Grief Community we speak often of the ebb and flow of this journey we are on. We involuntarily became lifelong members of a ‘club’ none of us ever wanted to join. We ride this roller coaster of grief daily. Some days, depending on how recent our child passed on, can be fairly ‘normal’…similar to the old ‘normal. Other days, we find ourselves riding up and down that coaster’s hills.
How did I get on this coaster? Why did I get on this coaster? How soon will I get off this coaster?
I grip the bar more tightly.
Will I scream? Will I make it ’til it stops? Will something cause this car I’m on to derail? (Excerpt: ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ by Jude Gibbs)
Grief is not something we can control; trying to control it can actually make it a much rougher journey. It truly is OK to not be OK. We have to give ourselves permission, at times, to allow the process of Grief to have its way within us. We don’t need to fear the helplessness that often accompanies such times. Learning to be gentle with ourselves and trusting that our God is still on the Throne permits us to grieve with Grace. There are some things we can do, and some we should not do, that I wrote about in my book:
Things to avoid are:
1- Suppressing our feelings. God truly can handle anything we throw at Him. He is the God of comfort. He does understand our grief. He will and does give us an eternal Hope.
2- Not taking time. We need to give ourselves permission to take whatever time we need to unknot this yarn. Even after we ‘get back on our feet’, we will have times when we stumble upon another ‘knot’ and we grieve a new layer. For many, this process continues throughout our lives to some degree or another.
3- Drinking or using drugs. Yes, there are times when anti-depressants may be necessary. However, be aware that they do not resolve our grief. They may temporarily bring us some relief, but they are not a ‘cure’. They simply delay and buy us more time to unravel and work thru all that has overwhelmed us. Many have warnings that they can actually increase depression.
4- Making major life changes. We are not thinking clearly. We can’t, and it should not be expected of us. Our judgement has been shaken.
Things to do:
1- Seek out support from those who ‘get it’.
2- Take time for yourself to quietly begin to sort thru the layers of grief…and there are many.
3- Talk about it with those you can trust and who will listen.
4- Attempt to do some of the ‘normal’ things you did before your child passed on..even if you have to place yourself on ‘auto-pilot’.
5- Take care. We have been traumatized and are preoccupied with all of these ‘knots’ we need to untie. It makes it difficult to focus on any tasks at hand.
6- Lastly, but certainly not least, spend time with God. Talk to Him, cry out to Him, and yell at Him if you must… Let it all out to Him and be 100% real with him. He will not hate you nor turn His back on you. He will, instead, wrap His arms around you. Dive into His Word, His promises. He is there for you. He will not forsake you. He weeps with you.
(((HUGS))) Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at:
Articles on WordPress.com: https://wordpress.com/posts/bereavedparentsblog.wordpress.com.
Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/author/jude-gibbs/
Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))