I am very uncomfortable with this statement. I was surprised to read it in an article written by a very popular and well-known Pastor who also happens to be a Bereaved Dad. Such a belief can have some very sad ramifications.
1- It can be used to justify one’s behaviour, whether their own or another’s.
2- I have seen numerous battered women pulled back into abusive situations because they felt sorry for the abuser who had been abused as a child.
3- Though the statement can be true in some circumstances such as a wounded animal striking out at anyone who attempts to relieve their agony, people have a choice as to whether or not they act like an animal.
4- There’s simply NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE!
5- We have the ability to choose whether or not we pass on our pain to another.
6- There’s no excuse to not be gracious toward others.
7- Jesus was beaten, whipped, crucified… but He did not turn around and hurt others.
The old story goes like this: The Dad has a bad day at work and his boss reams him out, up one side and down the other. The Dad comes home and kicks the dog. The dog bites the child. The Mom hits the dog.
Where does it stop? Who’s going to be the adult in the room?
No, this is not a true statement when stated as a fact across the board. We who are grieving know pain! Are we justified to pass that pain onto another? NEVER! We may in a moment of weakness. But hurting another no matter how much we have been hurt does not justify us when we do so. This type of thinking is called: rationalization. When we excuse either ourselves or another for hurting folks because they are hurting, we are enabling bad behaviour. Sometimes, ‘being understanding’ equals ‘standing under’. We never have to accept hurtful behaviour from another nor should we excuse it. We can respond to the ‘hurter’ by letting them know that we do know why they are slashing out at us. However, we still need to make it clear that their behaviour toward us in hurting us is simply unacceptable. It’s called: establishing healthy boundaries.
We are living in a society today that supports all levels of violence. It’s everywhere. Video games, movies, television shows are filled with physical and verbal abuse. People claim they have a ‘Right’ to behave in such a manner because of how they have been treated or because of how they have suffered. WRONG! We’ve done away with consequences and societal ostracizing of those who choose to act in such ways. We justify their anger and rationalize their abusive behaviour. We are taught to simply forgive and overlook. But doing so, and denying consequences, only perpetuates unacceptable behaviour.
NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE
(((HUGS))) Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: http://www.directtextbook.com/isbn/9781498496728?geis=y
Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/author/jude-gibbs/
Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))