Grieving Mom to NON-Grieving Mom

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. - C. S. Lewis

When my boys were little, we had a Motor-Home that we frequently took trips in. Even if we could only get away for a weekend, it was good family time to simply drive less than an hour to a camping ground. One time, we took a week to enjoy a longer vacation time together. Friends lived about twelve hours away so we went to visit with them. Once we had arrived in their city, we needed to stop at a local store and pick up some basic supplies.

My youngest son was less than one year old, the next just under three, the eldest less than five. I decided to stay in the Motor-Home because the baby was sleeping and I knew he might wake up now that we had stopped driving. The ‘just under three’ son wanted to go into the store. He was always the inquisitive one.

It wasn’t long before my then husband came running out to the camper looking quite frightened and frantic. He started yelling as he approached us: “I can’t find Roddy!!!”.

Dear Non-Grieving Mom, has that ever happened to you? Have you ever been in a store, at a park, in a crowded area filled with strangers and turned around to suddenly realize that your child has disappeared? Do you know the feeling of panic that ensues? Are you familiar with that terror? That ‘aloneness’? That horror? The utter confusion that envelops you? The trepidation that is felt in every fiber of your body? That momentary feeling that your heart simply forgot its next beat? The initial denial that is suddenly transformed into terrifying anguish?

I yelled at my husband to ‘watch the boys’ and ran as fast as I could into that store. I started yelling immediately as I went through those doors: “RODDY!  RODDY! RODDY!”. I went from one end of the store to the other, and it was a large store like a Walmart. In-between yelling for my son, I would periodically implore a passer-by: “Have you seen a little boy…he has blonde hair…he’s little????”. 

Please, Non-Grieving Mom, if possible…just for a moment…walk in my shoes if you can. If you can relate to this, then imagine it continuing on for hours, days, weeks, months, years…. Imagine being forever lost in this endless torment of crying out with every fiber of your being for your child that has disappeared. If you are able to relate to this for even a moment, you have for this moment, tried on my shoes.

Some kind elderly gentleman heard my pleas and located my inquisitive little boy that day. My son was checking out something that caught his eye which for the moment fascinated him. I use to call him my ‘space cadet’ because once something of interest grabbed his attention, 100% of his focus became absorbed in that object. His quest for knowledge was insatiable. All worked out well on that day, except for my anger toward my irresponsible mate.

My son, my space-cadet, is dead now. I still, after all these years, sometimes look for him in once familiar places. That ‘moment’ of terror I can still taste, and it is anything but pleasant. There are still days when my heart is in my throat and I cry out: “RODDY, RODDY, RODDY!!!”. I know where he is; I know I will see him again; I know we will find one another. But until that time comes, I will have those moments of tormenting panic.

That is the best I can do to attempt to help you understand what I live with, and who I now am.

Image result for woman lost child photo

(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Additional international retailers: http://www.foyles.co.uk/witem/biography/gifts-from-the-ashes,jude-gibbs-9781498496728 http://www.upliftvstore.com/product.asp?sku=9781498496728   Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/author/jude-gibbs/

Also, see a more complete list at: http://www.directtextbook.com/isbn/9781498496728?geis=y Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))

 

 

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36 thoughts on “Grieving Mom to NON-Grieving Mom

  1. I live every second with the screaming in my heart…my sons name is Ronnie and he is forever 18…”Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie!!!!” Love forever, Mom

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Absolutely!!!
        We have a family I’ve befriended in our town who were on the interstate in the middle of December, with Mom and Dad in the front seat of their mini-van and their 3 sons in the back seat. We are in Iowa, so we know how to drive on ice. And that day–it was ICY!! A man from the “south” who did NOT know how to drive on ice was driving a semi going the other direction on the interstate. He was going TOO FAST for that kind of road conditions, and his truck came across the median and slammed into their van–it killed TWO of their three boys, AND the car behind them was hit and that driver was also killed!!! SO, this meant the two older boys, 13 and 11, went to Heaven and their little brother (8 yrs.old), was left alive with his parents to grieve. Can you all imagine that kind of pain? I could not!! We see that kind of thing in 3rd world countries, in famines, or disease-ridden areas…..or in the past…like in the Depression when either there weren’t antibiotics yet, or no money to buy them. A little rural cemetary a mile from us has an obelisk with 4 children, one name on each side of the obelisk, who died in TWO WEEKS time from diphtheria!! That was the sort of thing that would drive people mad!! John 10:10 tells us “who” is at fault!! I tell this to grieving parents all the time—GOD is not the One who “takes” your babies!! Blame it on the “thief!!” (satan!!)
        (And when I say “babies” I mean, of course, our children….who, to parents, are always “our babies!”)

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Since the children have flesh and blood, he too shared in their humanity so that by his death he might break the power of him who holds the power of death–that is, the devil–(Hebrews 2:14) The last enemy to be destroyed is death. (1 Cor. 15:26) (((HUGS)))

        Liked by 2 people

    1. The panic… the internal hysteria. It’s like that about 20 hours a day for me. Even though I know she is gone, I know her remains sit right in my room, the panic… thank you for putting that into words that others can relate to. I tried. I had nothing. Just the scream.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. yes you nailed it on every level!!! I remember feeling this and still do every minute of everyday it is as if my son is lost/missing and I cannot find him yeS as you said I know where he is and that I will see him again but this overwhelming feeling of loss is to much I want to scream and often do why ??? I lost him in December of 2015 the pain and heartache is just to much to bear…thank you so much for sharing your story God bless ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It sometimes DOES seem “too much to bear!!” Doctors now are acknowledging that there really is something called a “broken heart!” Our physical hearts are actually affected by this kind of deep pain! It’s hard when we see our parents die, but as our funeral director said, “It’s out of order when your children die first!”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I lost my Steven on August 21, 2009. At any given moment my mind will take me back to that day. It could even be yesterday, maybe today. I just never know.
    But when that day comes again, I look to my Comforter, and He consoles me with His promise. I know I will see my son again.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. This is a very good explanation for the terror that grips you, every time you wake up with a start, every single day. My son Ian passed away over 2-1/2 years ago, and still it hits me. Coincidentally, this sweet boy also was lost when he was barely 3 years old, while wandering around in Boston Common on vacation. The 20 minutes that it took for the mounted police to find him was horrifying. I felt that I would stay in that park forever, searching for him. And now, look where I am. Spending the rest of my life, missing my beautiful boy. We only walked this earth with him for 26 years, but those were the best of my life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s the only thing I can think of in which another parent could possibly relate to what we go thru everyday to some degree. (((HUGS))) My son was 20 and he was the Joy of my life. In 1 1/2 yrs. he will have been gone as long as he was here. Not sure yet how that will affect me, but already know it will.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. In August, it will be 27 yrs. since our 19 yr.old girl lost her physical life on this earth in California from a car accident, but her SPIRIT immediately was in Heaven….Glorious Heaven!! She was SUCH a strong believer, but as a mom, I am still grieving for her. I miss her, every day…..I need to heal. I’m working on it!!! Thanks for your post! (And when our 3 were little (she was the oldest and only girl), every one of them “put me through this” by disappearing. Little kids can do this, for sure. I can’t imagine the horror of not knowing where my child went!..permanently!) God’s Blessings to ALL mothers…and fathers…who are missing their kids today! As our funeral director said, “It is unnatural for a parent to bury their child…it’s ‘out of order!” So very true!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am not a grieving mother, but I am a grieving sister and daughter. I lost my 18 year old brother in a tragic accident in 2003. One of the most difficult times in my life was watching my dad grieve the loss of his youngest son. In 2013, when I lost my precious dad, it gave me an indescribable peace knowing my dad would be joining his son in Heaven! Someday we will all be together again with our loved ones! I can only imagine the reunion!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. In August it will be 6 years that our Lexi has been gone from our lives. Even though I am her grandma or G-MA as she called me I still wake up some nights in panic attacks as I realize she is no longer here in the house she grew up in for the short all but 7 years of her life here on earth . I have good days of remembering the laughter and silliness she brought into this house but I can relate to so much of what you say here as well. I know I will see her again someday but it doesn’t stop me from listening for her today

    Liked by 3 people

      1. It is beyond description!! I feel SOOO Terrible, especially, for those of you whose ONLY child passed away, or took his or her own life. We have some friends that this happened to many years ago–their son was a freshman in college and a girl broke up with him (he THOUGHT). His dad went looking for him outside (they live on a farm), and his son had hung himself in their barn. NEVER get over something like that!! An only child!! But the real kicker, as if that wasn’t enough, was, that it was a misunderstanding, and the girl hadn’t even severed their relationship!!! All a misunderstanding, but it was too late!!!!
        But another that hurts, is when you lose one child, and your remaining children, for unexplained reasons, (we do NOT know why, after multiple attempts to find out!!) turn their backs on their parents–US!!!…. NO REASON KNOWN!! And so we DO have 2 other children (daughter, oldest, died) but our sons,& 1 d.in-law have turned against us!!! One of those sons has our grandchildren! It’s been a yr. and a half since we’ve heard from them….or, of course, seen them. It is like the last straw in breaking our hearts! If only we knew WHY!!! Maybe we could fix it….or maybe we could cope better!!! But, like the father of the Prodigal Son….we just keep praying, and waiting for God to send them back to us……I keep “looking down the road…..” ONE day, they will be coming back!!! Thank you, Father!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. I love what you’ve written, because it describes it so well. My son was only 2 days old, he would be 17 next Wednesday, and not a single day has gone by without him being in my thoughts. I can remember those early days/weeks/months/years, and that feeling of terror, and pain inside me, like I just wanted to scream at the world for carrying on when my world had stopped. Obviously, I didn’t get the moments of losing him in the supermarket, but I was blessed with 3 daughters, so I’ve felt that panic when they’ve disappeared for a few moments. And the panic feeling of never seeing my son in this lifetime, is never far away. I miss him every day, and next Wednesday, when he should be here celebrating, we’ll have a special day, to remember when I became a mum, and he was snatched away before he had chance to come home. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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