“Oh, that my words were recorded,
that they were written on a scroll,
that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever!
I know that my redeemer lives,
and that in the end he will stand on the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God;
I myself will see him with my own eyes—I, and not another. How my heart yearns within me!”
Job 19:23 -27
Most are familiar with the great tragedy that fell upon Job. He lost his oxen, camels, donkeys, and sheep. His servants were killed, and worst of all, his ten children died. He then incurred some sort of physical illness that resulted in his body being covered in boils from head to foot which must have caused him great physical pain. He was left with no friends that comforted him, only with so-called friends that accused him of sinning against God and bringing all of this tragedy upon himself. His wife was no comfort to him either. She told him: “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” In other words, she was telling him to take his own life. Not exactly a woman gifted with encouragement. Yet, Job replied: “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said. (Job 2:9-10).
Surely, Job was left alone in his grief.
Many of us sadly are. While many have spouses who grieve alongside them, or other children that can console us…many have no one. Or, like Job, those that do still exist not only bring us no comfort, but rather add to our grief with accusations, blame, etc. Some, who have other children, discover that in their pain and sorrow they harden their hearts with bitterness and cause us more grief. There are some who find more grief among the living than the dead.
Micah 7: (NKJV)
6 For son dishonors father,
Daughter rises against her mother,
Daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
A man’s enemies are the men of his own household.
Matthew 10: (NKJV)
36 and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’
These Bereaved are often forgotten.
They withdraw. They have no one to hug them; no one to tell them they love them; no one to weep with them. It is a vacuum of ‘aloneness’ that is debilitating. The weight of it is unbearable and indescribable. Those who have spouses, other children, grandchildren, and/or close friends who stand by them cannot comprehend the depth of the sorrow of those who grieve alone…which only results in more overwhelming ‘aloneness’. Those that seem to ‘recover’ somewhat from the demise of their child often are blessed with others. Or, they have financial means that allow them to travel and ‘get away from it all’ at least for a time. They are at the least physically able to get out, at times, and socialize. Job had nowhere to go. He had nothing left but his grief, false accusers, and a supposed loved one telling him she wanted him dead. His only Hope was death and to be with God. Despair of life is common among those who grieve alone.
Those that have support and can’t comprehend such ‘aloneness’ can often be hurtful in their comments. The ‘supported ones’ may receive comments from another who tells them they understand their grief because their dog died. They know that the ‘dog-griever’ doesn’t have a clue as to how much excruciating pain they are in after burying a child. Well, a ‘supported griever’ lacks a similar understanding of the one who grieves alone.
Now things ended well for Job. It is unlikely that the ‘alone’ griever in today’s society, especially if they are elderly and physically handicapped, will have such an outcome. At best, if not of financial means, they see only a future of some State run care facility that often wreaks of urine, is under funded and under staffed. This life offers no Hope. I once knew a gal who worked at such a place and nearly everyday she would meet a resident who would beg her to kill him/her. Telling such a one who grieves alone that ‘it will get better’ does not help them. They know it will not. What you can do is offer them Real Hope. Remind them that this life is temporary. Encourage them in God’s Promises of all that awaits them once they do cross over. Remind them of their future reunion they will have with their child that has gone ahead. Don’t pretend to understand what you can’t possibly understand unless you have lived through it. He/she who grieves alone can see through it as clearly as you can see through the person who grieves their dog’s demise.
(((HUGS))) Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon Press, Amazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Additional international retailers: http://www.foyles.co.uk/witem/biography/gifts-from-the-ashes,jude-gibbs-9781498496728 http://www.upliftvstore.com/product.asp?sku=9781498496728 Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/author/jude-gibbs/
Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))