The Vulnerability of Grief

Many of us are not aware of how vulnerable we are when we are grieving. We hurt so deeply that we lose our healthy boundaries, at times. We feel so very much alone and isolated that we accept and welcome the smallest kindness extended to us. We forget about the ravenous wolves that are out there who smell blood. They lurk in every corner, just waiting for an innocent to happen by. These wolves are vicious; they are mean-spirited. It’s as if they have no heart, no soul. It doesn’t matter what religion or Faith they claim to lay hold of, for they are deceivers. In our ‘right mind’, we would normally not grant them the time of day. However, when we are in a time of ‘Grief Fog’, we are not necessarily in our ‘right mind’. Rather, our heart is laid bare; our defenses are shattered; our ‘alarms’ are broken.

Image result for broken alarm photo

What saddens me the most is when I discover that a wolf has professed to hold the same beliefs and to be of the same Faith as myself; when it is another woman, a sister in Grief. It also angers me. To have such state that the reason for her betrayal is because she ‘prayed’ about it all and believes God has led her to harm me, is icing on the cake. It was what King David wrote about as He cried out to God in Psalm 55:

12 For it is not an enemy who reproaches me;
Then I could bear it.
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me;
Then I could hide from him.
13 But it was you, a man my equal,
My companion and my acquaintance.
14 We took sweet counsel together,
And walked to the house of God in the throng.

How one grieving Mother could do such things to another leaves me completely bewildered. When another who understands such excruciating pain can turn around and heap even more pain on someone is completely heartless. I fear their hearts have turned to stone. Then, as if that isn’t enough, they attempt to blame it on the one they have harmed by stating: ‘They brought this upon themselves’. Lies drip from their tongues like honey. “For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil.” (Prov. 5:3). They then turn around and attack your reputation, sully it, to make themselves appear righteous and to justify their own actions. If one were to confront them, they respond by attacking that person, belittling them, telling them they are a ‘nobody’. This is an unteachable spirit, righteous in its own eyes. 

1 Corinthians 10: NKJV)

12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

Image result for stand on edge of cliffs photo

King David goes on in PS. 55 to describe such a wolf’s words as butter & oil:

21 The words of his mouth were smoother than butter,
But war was in his heart;
His words were softer than oil,
Yet they were drawn swords.

So how are we to discern if we are bearing our souls to another sheep, or a sheep in wolf’s clothing? When we are so weakened by the daily pain and heartache, how do we remain vigil? How are we to respond when they act in such a manner as Paul described to the Galatians?: “17 They zealously court you, but for no good; yes, they want to exclude you, that you may be zealous for them.” (Ch. 4). 

‘To be unteachable is to develop a gnarled approach to life and the world. To be out of touch with humanity and the mainstream of life is to lose one’s cutting edge as far as service is concerned. It puts one in the same position as the Pharisees. Such an one can only expect to surround himself with similar insecure and impotent believers who have dealt themselves out of touch with the realities of the true issues in the world.’ (

At such a time, we must take refuge in our Lord. We must trust Him to lead us and have our backs simultaneously. We must do as Kind David instructs in PS. 55:

22 Cast your burden on the Lord,
And He shall sustain you;
He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

Test the spirits (1 John 4:1); examine the fruit (MT. 7:15-20); turn on the Light (Eph. 5:8-9) and expose them (Eph. 5:11) so they hopefully may not harm another as they have you.

1 Corinthians 16: (NKJV)

Final Exhortations

13 Watch, stand fast in the faith, be brave, be strong.

(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Additional international retailers:,jude-gibbs-9781498496728  Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’:

Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))


2 thoughts on “The Vulnerability of Grief

  1. Bereaved moms are NOT exempt from being heartless bitches to other bereaved moms. That’s a fact Jack‼️‼️‼️

    Too often we (bereaved moms) settle into this mindset that we’re alike, that we’re in this same awful club, that we are comrades battling this vile thing named grief and they are the only ones who fully understand. WRONG WRONG WRONG‼️‼️‼️🔨🔨🔨💔💔💔📣📣📣

    It is THIS belief that we expect our fellow bereaved moms to give us a pass, understand us, not hurt us, that leaves us blind, trusting, and vulnerable.

    Some people are just broken SOOO SOOO badly that they are unable. Some people were heartless before and are even worse now.

    Lastly, we compare. My child’s death was worse, my grief is more debilitating, you’ve healed more than me therefore you must not have loved your child as much as I. I’ve read it, heard it, and yea, I’m even guilty of feeling it.

    It took me a VERY long time to understand and accept this. How did I learn? I learned when a community I built to help, turned on me. I learned when I was kicked out of TCF groups.

    Jude, please don’t let these people harm you more. Put up your armor and carry on mama‼️💪❤️😘

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It is just so very difficult for me to believe and understand that after we all have been thru, the absolute most horrific nightmare imaginable, that some can have a hardened heart. But then I am reminded of the different reactions/responses of King David vs. Pharaoh. Or to personalize it, the fact that the other parent of my son could turn around and sue the grieving mother of his child along with his other 2 sons…all to profit off the death of our son. It happened, I saw it up front and personal, but I still can’t believe anything that ugly exists outside of hell. Just befuddles my mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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