Time Stopped

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Shortly after my son passed away, I began to notice that this world no longer seemed ‘real’ to me. I’m not sure that I can describe it adequately, but I will try. It was almost as if I was floating in a space that was somewhere between here and there; it was as if I had one foot in this world, and one in the next. I became astutely aware of things going on around me, only as if I was an onlooker. I became hyper-cognizant of people, things said, things done that before I simply took notice of…if that. Before, if I had seen things through a kaleidoscope, they were now crystal clear. I would look around and see others going on with their everyday lives and wonder: ‘Don’t they notice, don’t they see that time has stopped? My son is dead.’

I could not fathom how ‘life’ was continuing on for others.

I felt removed, cut-off, severed from the rest of society.

I even felt somewhat ‘removed’ from myself. It was as if I was objectively and logically studying ‘me’ and what I was feeling, what I was seeing. I have no clue as to whether or not others have felt this dissonance within. I do know it was very real for me. I had been ushered into an in-between place. It didn’t frighten me or make me at all uncomfortable. Rather, I embraced it. This extrasensory state lasted for approximately six months before I began to feel it fading; at approximately nine months, it was gone. I hadn’t wanted it to leave. It had become a place of peace which transcended all understanding. Though I lamented with such great sorrow, there also simultaneously existed a mitigating and calming balm. It was something outside of myself residing with myself. Perhaps, it was that peace which passes all understanding (Phil. 4:7). I certainly had not ‘created’ it; I had no control over it coming or going.

There are moments even now, when I quiet the storm within, that I can still obtain a glimpse of it. Late at night, or early morn, when all outside has gone to sleep…if I am away from the city, the lights, radio, and TV…I can almost touch again that quiet place. It is at such times, I can converse with my God. I know that He is near, that His ministering spirits are standing by (Hebrews 1:14), and that my son is not that far off in the distance. Because the duties of daily life do not permit me to remain, I still can be comforted by the ‘knowing’ that I can return to this place of peaceful solitude in which I am never truly alone. It is a place unbeknownst to ‘time’. It is a place where time has stopped, yet continues for all eternity. It defies all logic; it supersedes all human knowledge and reasoning. It is a place of ‘stillness’ before my God.

Psalm 46: (NKJV)

10 Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!

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(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Additional international retailers: http://www.foyles.co.uk/witem/biography/gifts-from-the-ashes,jude-gibbs-9781498496728 http://www.upliftvstore.com/product.asp?sku=9781498496728  Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/author/jude-gibbs/

Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))

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2 thoughts on “Time Stopped

  1. I experienced that place too Jude! Truly it was as if time itself slowed down for me to keep up, even though I still wasn’t able to, keep up. For me it lasted several years. I’ve always thought that this was some way of the mind protecting itself from the full impact of what happened. Like a fog settling inside of us as a buffer to numb from the full reality.

    I still have fleeting moments in that weird foggy place, mostly during Chris’s Angel dates. I count and recount on my fingers every year in disbelief.

    💔💔💔

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So very true! I wrote about this in my book under: ‘Lost Blanket’. I do believe the ‘denial’ we travel through at the onset is sent to protect us from the harsh reality we simply cannot absorb or withstand at the onset. (((HUGS)))

    Like

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