No Going Back

“There is no going back, to that other person, that other place. This thing, this stranger, she is all you are now.” (The Brave One).

I will never be the person I was before the abuse, before the death of my son. I have tried; I have failed.

I have made so many transitions throughout my life…some willingly, some not. There are things interjected into our life-streams that cause us to be diverted. We will never be the person we once were. We not only grieve the absence of our loved ones; we grieve the loss of ourselves. Another layer in those endless onion peels we have no choice but to embrace and accept. The ‘grey depths’ of the ocean tide of our fears and our immense pain we must swim through to once again surface…to once again breathe before we drown in our uncertainty. That which was, shall no longer be.

“Because when you love something, every time a bit goes, you lose a piece of yourself.” “I always believed that fear belonged to other people. Weaker people. It never touched me. And then it did. And when it touches you, you know… that it’s been there all along. Waiting beneath the surfaces of everything you loved.” (The Brave One).

How Grief becomes The Revealer, the complex trailblazer of our souls. It uncovers that which we did not know even existed.

 “Break up your fallow ground,
            And do not sow among thorns.” (Jeremiah 4:3b)

The anger, the rage…the despondency, the excruciating pain.

Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight (Answer)

“Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you.” (Hosea 10:12)

What has been interposed on my journey, cannot be undone.

“How did you…put it back together after what happened to you?”

“You don’t…You become someone else…a stranger” (The Brave One)

God have Mercy. Take this squashed lump of clay and remold it for Your Glory. You, alone, are my only Hope.

If it takes my whole life I won’t break I won’t bend
It’ll all be worth it worth it in the end
‘Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You’ll still be burning so bright (Answer)

Isaiah 42:3 (NASB)

“A bruised reed He will not break
And a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish;
He will faithfully bring forth justice.

  • I have decided to follow Jesus;
    No turning back, no turning back.
  • Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
    No turning back, no turning back.
  • The world behind me, the cross before me;
    No turning back, no turning back. (Singh)


(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Additional international retailers:,jude-gibbs-9781498496728  Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’:

Please help spread the Word. TY! (((HUGS)))


3 thoughts on “No Going Back

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