Forever Saturday

I had been wondering if I was to write again at this time. I often get discouraged; I often want to simply lay down and ‘commend my Spirit’ into His Hands.

The past five months I have been quite ill. It’s not like me to just quit. I have often been referred to as ‘feisty’ throughout my life. But I’m old now and I’m weary. I want to see my son again; I want to see my sister; I want to see my mom who died on Easter morning. I’m weary of all of the pain I have had in my brief journey here, pain on every level. It does takes its toll on a person.

I had a dream on Thursday morning. My son has not appeared in one of my dreams for some time. In every dream in which he has appeared, all except the one in which he warned me of 9-11 one month before it occurred, he has appeared glowing with light and health and Joy. This is only the 2nd dream in which this was not the case. There was a person standing near me and I was suffering from my current illness in which I sometimes fall because my equilibrium affected by calcium crystals in my inner ear is off balance. These deposits are in both ears currently. In this dream, when I fell, the person standing by me offered me no assistance. My son was there watching all of this and looked sad. I somehow managed to rise to my feet again and I lightly patted my son on the top of his head. I then wanted to console my son’s sadness so I said to him: ‘I will see you soon’. I thought that would make him happy, but instead he then looked at me with more sadness. My son has never spoken in any of the dreams in which he has appeared over these eighteen years. Rather, he speaks to me ‘with his eyes’ as he often did when he was physically here. As I looked at him wondering why he still looked sadly after I had said those words to him, he ‘relayed’ to me that if I were to go Home now, it would be before my time…and that is why he appeared sad.

I’ve been thinking about this for the past two days. God has often used my son to speak to me in dreams, perhaps because I sit up and take notice when He does. Today, the 1st article I read was by a gal named Christi Brown. I have only seen a few of the things she has written, but every one of them has spoken to me on some level. She described the ‘Saturday’ between the Crucifixion of our Lord and Easter Sunday’s time of celebration of the Resurrection as this period of time which exists between the death of our child and when we will once again be reunited with them.  I like her analogy. This time of ‘waiting’ often feels like a ‘Forever Saturday’.

I want it to end.

I want it to be over.

However, it has to be in God’s timing, not mine.

Matthew 24:

13 But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.

This ‘Saturday’ is not ‘Forever’; Eternity is Forever. We truly are just passing through. Jesus said that His Kingdom is ‘not of this world’ (John 18:36). He is my King and I belong to His Kingdom. He also says we are His ‘Ambassadors’ (2 Cor. 5:20). We have a job to do as His representatives while we are commissioned to be here. Whatever mission He has set before us while here, we must do until the day He calls us Home. Do I want to run and buy my ticket and board that plane ASAP? Absolutely! But I need to wait on Him to make that call. In this interim, I must do whatever He has set before me to do. I am not required to like it; I am called to be obedient and faithful. It is an Honour to serve my King.

My son is already there. He completed his purpose here. One day, I shall, as well. I will stay focused on my Eternal Home, yet be busy with His business until the trumpet blows that has my name on it. So, as the man at the end of the movie: The Gladiator stated: “I will see you again. But not yet. Not yet.”

(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShoppingAlso, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/2017/03/the-pain-of-holidays-after-the-loss-of-loved-ones/

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8 thoughts on “Forever Saturday

  1. I’ve been SO angry at Him… God, for such a long time. I prayed for him to guide and protect my son and instead he took him from this earth. I’ve HAD to accept, or at least TRY to accept that he did answer my prayers… NOT an easy thing to do. Your articles help me in ways I’m not quite able to put into words yet. We were meant to cross paths, I DO know that.❤️💔❤️

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Whenever I start to move towards the ‘Why?’, I always revert back to a Scripture a dear sister in the Lord shared with me at the onset of this journey. For whatever reason, when I read it a part of me ‘settles’ and simply says: ‘OK’. Isaiah 57:1-2

        1 The righteous perish,
        and no one takes it to heart;
        the devout are taken away,
        and no one understands
        that the righteous are taken away
        to be spared from evil.
        2
        Those who walk uprightly
        enter into peace;
        they find rest as they lie in death.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. First about the ear problem. I’d been getting dizzy for about 15 years many 1 or 2 times a year. Finally, the it got so I’d be down without even being able to move my eyes or I’d heave, I went to doctor. He said my condition was from too much sodium, chocolate, and caffeine at one time. I now watch so I don’t have too much of each and so far I haven’t had another attack.

    I really don’t want to be here either. I’ve thought a lot about dying. But I know I have to tell the truth about what happened to my son first. I’ve arranged with others that if I die, everything is on my computer and all the text that prove. I don’t want revenge, but I do need the truth to be to, and I need justice. I have forgiven, and I continually pray that I don’t feel hate.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m told the ear issue is BPPV and in my case, brought on by stress. So, the solution is no stress. Like that’s possible….

    Three things motivated me to write my book: 1- to give God Glory in all He has done to sustain me in my life; 2- to get my son’s poems published which I have desired to do since he left; 3- to leave behind for my 3 surviving children the Truth.

    I understand your desire for the Truth to be told. There are no ‘ifs’, ‘ands’, or ‘buts’ about it. I think we’re on the same page with that for sure, Kathleen. I HAD to do it. It sounds like you ‘get it’. (((HUGS))) I 100% support you in my prayers that you may accomplish what has been set before you to do.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Yes. It’s actually at 4 locations that I know of at this point. I haven’t spoken with the Publisher in weeks because I’ve been so ill. If you click on any of the 4 locations listed above, it should take you to them. Last I checked, the best price was at the 4th. I will give you the complete links:

    http://www.xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781498496728

    http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/gifts-from-the-ashes-jude-gibbs/1125792801?ean=9781498496728

    http://www.deepershopping.com/item/jude-gibbs/gifts-from-the-ashes/7049689.html?utm_source=GoogleShopping&utm_medium=datafeed&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping&gclid=CJeoufav5dICFUokhgodV88NKA

    (((HUGS))) I do encourage you to compile your son’s writings and somehow orchestrate them in such a way that his ‘voice’ may be heard by others. The 1st Christmas after my son passed, I went to a ‘copy’ store and they placed my son’s poems along with pics I gave them into a small booklet which I gave as gifts to family and his best friends. After 18 yrs., I know my surviving children still pull out their booklets and read them from time to time. It has helped us all get thru birthdays/anniversaries often. Just a thought….XXX

    Liked by 1 person

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