Oh, how often I have felt this way…unable to cope or function. The weariness becomes so overwhelming that I have laid on my bed simply Hoping that this was my time…that I, too, would be called Home. Grief, though it often encompasses depression, is not in itself depression. It extends far beyond. The depth of Grief is indescribable to anyone who has been spared of its torturous claws. It’s as if it resides in every cell of our being. Nothing is left untouched. It’s a ruthless consuming force.

It’s currently what is called: Holy Week. It begins with the crowds praising Jesus abundantly on Palm Sunday. There is an appearance of total humility amongst the people. They gladly give Him great Honour and welcome His presence as He humbly arrives in their midst riding a simple donkey.

How quickly things change.

Once the folks begin to understand that their immediate expectations will not be realized in their desire for instant gratification, they turn to anger…and not just any anger. Within just a few short days, they are raging with demands to : CRUCIFY HIM!!! All because they didn’t get what they wanted when they wanted it. This extends far beyond a two year old’s temper tantrum. They are out for Blood…Not just droplets of blood by scourging and whipping; they want death…horrible torturing crucifying death for which they clamour.

In the late 70’s, I dove into God’s Word. I would awake in the middle of the night as my young ones and husband slept, and I would absorb myself in God’s Word with an unquenchable desire. I was driven to know more. I had prayed as a child; I accepted Him as my Saviour in my late teens; I had acknowledged that He is God and that He had died for my sins. What I hadn’t understood before that time is that I…personally…had driven those nails into my God.

It became personal.

It was because of MY sins and fallen nature that He had died. This was no longer about everyone else. This was about Him and me. I had often heard that Jesus the Christ had died for me personally. I had been told that He loved me so much that even if I was the only person on the planet that was in need of Redemption, He still would have gone to the Cross…just for me. Now, things had gone deeper. Now, I understood that I was one in that crowd.

I wept.

I still weep.

That one night I absorbed the Truth that I had killed my Lord and Saviour, my Creator.

Yes, today, we praise the Almighty King. In five short days, we acknowledge the sadness of His Crucifixion. Then, shortly thereafter, we praise Him again with rejoicing in celebration that He has risen from the dead in victory and express our gratitude that now we, too, can go to Heaven. We don’t have to suffer as He did. We suffer, no doubt. But not like He did. We do have brothers and sisters in His Body that come close. They are beheaded, crucified, raped, and burned alive. I give those martyrs honor.

I am not diminishing anyone’s pain by saying these things. I am not diminishing my own. I am not comparing one’s suffering with another. I am simply offering a perspective.

I pray we somberly consider such things. Only by doing so, can we more greatly appreciate Jesus. Only by doing so, can we more fully embrace His great and endless Love for us. Only by doing so, can we fully acknowledge His Kingship. Only by doing so, can we even begin to fully understand His unceasing Mercy and Grace. For He alone is truly worth to be praised.

Philippians 2:

Wherefore also God highly exalted him, and gave unto him the name which is above every name; 10 that in the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven and things on earth and things under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

12 So then, my beloved, even as ye have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;


(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at:  Xulon PressAmazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. A Contributor on ‘The Mighty’:

Book released 2/15/17. Please help spread the word. TY!! (((HUGS)))





3 thoughts on “Acopic

  1. I am confused my friend….so how is the overwhelming feelings of grief have to do with the crucification of Christ? Grieving for our loved ones and our children is not a sin….to love is not a sin….in fact is’nt that WHY we grieve with such fierceness? Is because we loved with same demeanor? Yes He died for our sins….and yes I have sins….but I was NOT one of the people in that crowd.And neither were you…..just as the bible went to the old and the new testament so have we. For WE were born into Christ…WE have always held Him in our hearts and sould and lived by His word as best as that we can and we couldnt it was to only make us wiser. I don’t feel also that we suffer this grief because of our sins……My God does not inflict hurt and pain onto others….and just like you my friend….of course this is my thoughts and own opinion. It’s nice to talk to some one like you. thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What I came to realize is that because Jesus died for “MY’ sins…because it became personal for me rather than simply viewing it as He died for everyone’s sins…that I, personally, nailed Him to the Cross. It wasn’t the Jewish people, it wasn’t the Romans, it wasn’t ‘everyone’..yet it was for everyone. Yet, God led me to a place where it was my sins personally, it was ‘me’..mine..that nailed Him to that Cross for it was me, personally, that caused Him to suffer and die. He took it from the ‘general’ to the ‘personal’. Though He did die for ‘all’, I came to understand that He died for ‘me’. Hence, I took personal responsibility for His death…and in that I grieve. In that, I came to lay hold of His great Grace and Mercy and Love…for me. The more I took personal responsibility for His death, the more His Love, etc., became personal for me. Therefore, I grieve for My Lord as I also rejoice that He lives. (((HUGS)))

      And no…grieving is not at all a sin. In some ways there is a hidden blessing in it all for Jesus was a ‘man of sorrows-well acquainted with grief’. When we grieve our loved ones in such depth, we come to understand how our Lord grieves for us, His children. Grief such as ours enlightens us to the grief God Himself feels…it draws us closer to the heart of God. It also helps us more deeply understand how deep His Love is for us. XXX

      Also, I fully agree that we do not suffer such things because of our sins…for when we read of Job and all that he lost, God says of him: ‘in all these things Job did not sin’.


    2. I just went to my email and discovered this from ‘Night Whispers’. In some ways, it so eloquently expresses the ‘broken hallelujah’ that I feel:

      Dream word – DESPITE

      2 Samuel 19:7

      “Now therefore, arise, go out and speak comfort to your servants. For I swear by the Lord, if you do not go out, not one will stay with you this night. And that will be worse for you than all the evil that has befallen you from your youth until now.” NKJV

      Broken hallelujahs

      The life of David the King typifies for me, a life of “broken hallelujahs”.

      It was poet, writer, singer songwriter, Leonard Cohen that wrote the song “Hallelujah,” which was later recorded and made most famous by Jeff Buckley, a bipolar manic-depressive who, aged just 31 years, accidentally drowned in Wolf River harbour, a tributary of the mighty Mississippi. Interestingly, Buckley’s last recording was a spoken word recording of Edgar Allen Poe’s verse, “Ulalume,” a deep poetic piece about lost love and broken love, whose title sounds very much like “Hallelujah.”

      In his piece entitled Hallelujah, the lyrics of the ever-despondent Cohen, are full of sex, full of the Bible and full of regretful praise, which in turn, is rooted in a resigned brokenness. It is if you will a song of praise from the despite.

      In our text for tonight, all of David’s sinful chickens have begun to come home to roost. Absalom is dead, killed at the hand of Joab who speaks these words of our text for tonight, to a very despondent David, who has withdrawn himself from those people who would be in the end, the means of his redemption. Worst is yet to come for David and in many ways, his Samsonite strength now bears the cracks of the heat of his former adultery. Indeed, the Kingdom, though it shall be held together under the golden duct tape reign of Solomon, is already showing the fissures of its own destruction. Relationships are breaking for David, and both in and around him, hearts and harps and voices, all are broken and growing cold with age and misuse. I am afraid it is what it is and in being so, it is indeed most depressing, as David’s days descend in songs of cold and broken Hallelujahs, whilst he clears the mess from the floors of his not so recent but continuing disasters.

      Like the sweet singer of Israel, most rebellious hearts can do nothing in their later days but sing broken Hallelujahs. Yet they are most acceptable to God because they are from the land of grace, from the place of despite, and you know friends, all praise from the place of despite, is most pleasing to God above, because it is full of hope and longing, it is full of faith and thankfulness, it is full of expectancy and desire, for it reverberates with repentance and glistens with long, expectant hope.

      Listen: “These are the last words of David: ‘The oracle of David son of Jesse, the oracle of the man exalted by the most high, the man anointed by the God of Jacob, Israel’s singer of songs: The Spirit of the Lord spoke through me; his word was on my tongue. The God of Israel spoke, the Rock of Israel said to me: “When one rules over men in righteousness,when he rules in the fear of God, he is like the light of morning at sunriseon a cloudless morning, like the brightness after rain that brings the grass from the earth.” Is not my house right with God? Has he not made with me an everlasting covenant,arranged and secured in every part? Will he not bring to fruition my salvation and grant me my every desire? But evil men are all to be cast aside like thorns, which are not gathered with the hand. Whoever touches thorns uses a tool of iron or the shaft of a spear;they are burned up where they lie.’” – 2 Samuel 23:1-7 NIV.

      Pray: Lord, you know how continually sorry we are for the wrecks and wreckage of our lives. Yet despite ourselves You have loved us with an everlasting love. Yes, despite our bad choices, You have stuck with us. Despite the weaker voices of our later days, we know that we shall sing a new song in a better place, complete and full of praise to You our King, and all of this shall be, despite ourselves. Thank You Jesus. Amen.


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