In one of his poems, my son wrote: ‘That a lack of loneliness will
Consume my heart, I pray!‘
He was always making others smile and laugh. If he saw a complete stranger on the street bearing a sad countenance, he would approach the person and engage them in a conversation. He would not leave their side until a smile appeared. He had a true heart of compassion. The pain he felt after his dad walked out ran deep as a river. He once laid on the floor at a youth conference sponsored by our Church, groaning and crying out to God in his pain. I ran to his side, but the older wiser women physically held me back. They understood what I did not, that it was necessary for my son to work through his pain with the Lord, uninterrupted. He needed to find comfort in the arms of God.
The night he died, after the initial things that took place of the officer coming to our home, etc., I had a vision of my son sitting on a cloud. He was glowing, clearly consumed with Joy, and reassured me: “I’m alright, Mom!” I turned to my eldest and said: “He’s OK…no more pain”. My son had been set free. I treasure such moments…such Gifts. They have helped sustain me on this very long and difficult journey. When God brings such things back to remembrance, I feel His comfort and internalize another droplet of God’s strength to continue ‘one more day’.
I will see you again, Babe!
Until then, I am now ‘Awaiting my Time’.
Awaiting My Time
by Jude’s Son
Perhaps the answers are still unclear,
For I find myself still searching,
Far and near; high and low,
I am still searching.
I am looking deep in my soul
And throughout the darkest corners of my heart,
For the one thing to bring a mere smirk.
Perhaps a hint of happiness
May shine its light on me some day.
That a lack of loneliness will
Consume my heart, I pray!
I have lived a life
My good deeds did not deserve.
And unto all others,
Their needs and wants , I serve.
I wait in the shade.
Patiently for the light to shine,
Upon the life I lead
Knowing that one day, Justice-
Will be mine!
I Love you, my Beloved Son!!!
(((HUGS))) Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at: Xulon Press, Amazon, Barnes & Noble and DeeperShopping. Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/2017/03/the-pain-of-holidays-after-the-loss-of-loved-ones/