Crestfallen Warrior by Louba on deviantART

“He may hollow because he no longer has a meaning or purpose. Undead sometimes hollow not only because of death, but because they lose purpose. TLDR- The Crestfallen Warrior was the “chosen undead” before you, but was unable to complete his mission and became crestfallen. His purpose is now found in gossip and directing other “chosen undead”” (On line commentator).

“Chosen undead” aptly describes what I am feeling. Hollowed out, emptied out, gouged out, a cavernous space…that is what I often feel left with after I pour out my heart in these articles…after I’ve written my book. An article from The Great Soviet Encyclopedia (1979) states: ‘a cavity that develops in body organs where there is destruction and death (necrosis) of tissues and subsequent liquefaction of the necrotic masses.

I have received criticism on things that I have written. Some have taken it upon themselves the job of being my ‘Grand Critiquer’. Do they not know they are criticizing my Grief? I receive no feedback after spending hours to write one article? Does no one care?


I get weary, too.

I break down, too.

I lose direction, too.

I get angry, too.



I will not quit!

I will not give up!

I will not stop hoping!

I will not stop believing!

Perhaps…I am just wasting my time. Six Minute Century "Wasting Time"

John Lennon once said: “Time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time”…and I’m not enjoying this.

‘My son had his purpose. Apparently, he completed his and so he was able to go Home and be with our Heavenly Father. Have I not completed mine? Am I not doing something right? I once felt I had purpose…I had a husband…I had my children that needed me. But that’s all basically gone. So why am I still here???

God’s response:

John 15:16 Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.. (Ephesians 2:10)’ (excerpt from ‘Gifts from the Ashes’).

So, once again, feelings are not facts.

None of us know why our child has gone ahead of us. Many ask: ‘Why??’ repeatedly, though they get no clear explanation. We demand of God that He answers our plea.


Just perhaps, we need to stop asking. Just perhaps, we need to start trusting. Just perhaps, we need to start believing that the Almighty Creator of all things knows what He is doing. Even if we don’t.

Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Is it simply the capriciousness of God?

Job lost everything…everything…except some ‘friends’ that only added to his grief, and accused him of being a sinner and bringing such a fate upon himself. In other words, getting what he deserved. Then there was his wife that remained, a bitter woman who instead of mourning alongside her husband said to him: “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9). But in Job 42:7, God rebukes Job’s friends (all but one) while vindicating Job: After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends; for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.”

So, how does God respond to Job? Out of the whirlwind He responds (Job 38:1) Space here does not permit His entire response, but you can read it in Job 38:1-42:6.  ... past couple of weeks, and only one word is coming to mind - whirlwind

Our suffering is not retributive justice. Paul says: We were so utterly, unbearably crushed that we despaired of life itself. Why, we felt that we had received the sentence of death; but that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. (2 Cor. 1:8-9)

Yes, there is purpose in our suffering. Yes, we remain because we still have purpose in God. “The greatest thing for us to remember is that we go up to Jerusalem to fulfill God’s purpose, not our own. In the natural life our ambitions are our own, but in the Christian life we have no goals of our own. We talk so much today about our decisions for Christ, our determination to be Christians, and our decisions for this and that, but in the New Testament the only aspect that is brought out is the compelling purpose of God. “You did not choose Me, but I chose you…” (John 15:16).–Oswald Chambers

Psalm 119:71 “It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn thy statutes.”

Job 36:15 “He delivers the afflicted by their affliction, and opens their ear by adversity. ”

John 9:25b “One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”
It’s called: ‘Amazing Grace’.

Let us be hallowed and not hollowed.

(((HUGS)))  Jude Gibbs, Author of ‘Gifts from the Ashes’ available at:

Please help spread the word…TY!!!  (((HUGS)))

Released 2/15/17


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