I’m Tired

Funny Pics of Really Tired People - humorsharing.com

I’m so tired…………

I screwed up. I knew better.

Last night, when another Momma asked about ‘that sound‘ that many of us have experienced…that gut-wrenching sound that rips apart our inner most parts…I hesitated to respond. I knew I didn’t want to go there. My alarms were going off trying to warn me to not re-visit that moment frozen in time. I knew it was not good to open that lid of Pandora’s Box.

But, I did it anyway.

I am sitting here today peeling thru another box of tissues, still in bed, not wanting to talk with anyone…not wanting to function…not wanting to take one more step…not even wanting to bother anyone to ask for prayer.

I’m so tired.

Nearly 18 years have passed, yet I’m right back there. All the time that has passed by is insignificant. I’m still frozen in time. My entire life, the before and after, is once again revolving around that day…that hour…that moment…when I was told: “I’m sorry, your son is dead”.

Oh God!!! How can I take one more step? I have taken so so many one more steps. So so many ‘just get this done for today’ moments. So so many times of switching on the auto-pilot switch, waiting for another day to end.

I’m so tired.

Already, the uninvited reminder pops into my head: March is coming. I’ve been through so many months of March. They have not always been unbearably bad. Yet, I know, I never know what this March will bring.

No, that excruciating pain never goes away. Months can go by when all is going relatively well. Yet, it takes just one instant in time for that pain to once again manifest. Just one reminder, and it’s there again staring me in the face, gripping my heart, forcing me to remind myself to ‘breathe’.

I’m so tired.

Do I have to do this again???
Do I have to feel this again???
Do I have to remember again???
Do I have to relive this again???

I know Your promises, Oh Lord.
I know You are Faithful.
I know I will see my son again soon.
I know You are with me in all of this.

It’s just that…I’m so tired.

(((HUGS)))   Jude Gibbs

Excerpt from: Gifts from the Ashes…

available at:

http://www.xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781498496728

https://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Ashes-Jude-Gibbs/dp/1498496725/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1487342742&sr=8-1

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/gifts-from-the-ashes-jude-gibbs/1125792801?ean=9781498496728

http://www.deepershopping.com/item/jude-gibbs/gifts-from-the-ashes/7049689.html?utm_source=GoogleShopping&utm_medium=datafeed&utm_campaign=GoogleShopping&gclid=CJeoufav5dICFUokhgodV88NKA

Also, a Contributor on ‘The Mighty’: https://themighty.com/2017/03/the-pain-of-holidays-after-the-loss-of-loved-ones/

Please spread the word…TY!!!  (((HUGS)))

Tired Person At Work I came into work and one

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